ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
