no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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