you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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