yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
