from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
