thus making me awesome and them whores
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
