I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
