I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
