So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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