I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
