C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
