now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
