yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
