There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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