Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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