Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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