I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
