you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
