That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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