our cab driver is having phone sex.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
