I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
