he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.