nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.