sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
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I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I AM VODKA MAN
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?