Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
