By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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