he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
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Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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