no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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