nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
