I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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