I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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