i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
