we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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