No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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