She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
