id be glad to
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
worst night to have a conscience
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
