Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
