Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
