Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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