i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He has the fingertips of a God
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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