I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
