I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
