Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
