I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
