dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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