I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
