just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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