I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
