I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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