im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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