You can't special order awesome
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
