its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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