At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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