I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
