I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
