She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
