the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
