the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i out mim tonsoeep
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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