I wish you could order shots online.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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