Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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