So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
