Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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