My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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