I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
