He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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