Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
