I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
