No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
