Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
