Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
