I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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