it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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