the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
