Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
