just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
