there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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