I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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