Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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