does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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